Every day was treated like a new beginning?
Where grudges, bitterness, unforgiveness, and worries died the moment your head hit the pillow. And at the time you had awaken to a new morning your mind would be renewed, not lacking knowledge or wisdom from the past, but building on what has been made from prior situations and circumstances.
Each person you’d come into contact with you’d treat like it had been the first time you’d met them and your first impression persona was at the top of it’s game. Being kind, loving, unconditional in terms of your friendship in how things are done to show thanks. What if, we did things without having presumptuous intentions of wanting to be thanked for what we had done.
What if, we shared our gifts just out of love and never had the expectations of wanting to be loved in return, because we had the reassurance of knowing we’re already loved regardless of what we do.
What if, our confidence was placed in something bigger then ourselves so that our dreams weren’t limited to our own fears and insecurities.
What if, believing was reality?
Look forward. Do you really want to make a hard turn again? Just look the fuck forward boy!
Well I feel kind like in the movie “Grundhog Day” - has anyone seen it? Seems like it is getting an really bad habit of mine to be sleepless all night, at least half of it. I can’t sleep anyways so I guess writing a new blog is all that is left for me now.
Once more it was Aiprot time today, walked at the very first beginning of the runway and let the Airliners fly straight over my head. It is an incredible feeling, you should try sometime. New Year’s Eve is coming unexpected fast towards me. But as it was the case with Christmas this year is different from all the rest. The spirit just hasn’t catch me. According to this, my friends seem like incapable of narrowing down where and which party we are going to and it starts sucking so bad. Really I mean besides the point that there are just 3 days left and a final decision would be more than appropriated, I start to loose interest in celebrating at all. The point that my girlfriend won’t be with me is not making it better. Noooot good but I hate not knowing what to do or where to go. In the last couple of years it went all pretty neat at the end but urgh.. well it’s like whatever.
Mhm guess I am going to make some coffee and watch the sunrise, if the stupid clouds won’t prevent it.
Seems like this is my time to be more awake then anytime else of the day. Thanks to our great educational system I am able to be awake at this ridiculous time. Guess winter vacation is the appropriate term we usually use for that but whatever.I got through Christmas relative well. It wasn’t like the big thing but it hasn’t been that since I was a small child. Only really good thing - besides all the gifts is that I finally spend some time with my family again. I really learned to appreciate that. We and by that I mean I and my whole family forgot to spend time which each other. I don’t blame anyone for this but I guess we are all guilty for the way it is now. Truly I wish we continue and get closer again.
Well another point what got me trough Christmas was that I am in an relationship. >happy< is not even rudimentary enough to describe how she makes me feel. I don’t mind being alone but I hate being lonely. And she gives her best to prevent me from it. Really appreciate it honey. She is a great person. Seriously, I wish you could all get to know her, but that isn’t possible - and quiet good I guess, so I can keep her around myself.All along my silly 19 years I have spent on this planet I never, absolutely never met someone who is even comparative to her. Yah I know what the most people think - meaningless phrases , love drunk . Whatever I do not care at all. She is one of a kind. Over 6 billion humans the earth but I am sure that not a single one is like her. Damned I adore her so much (:
Subject change. It is Day#1 since I decided to start over again. If you don’t know what I am talking about, feel free to read my blog post “ It’s to late to be a pessimist ” then you know what I am talking about. Anyways. I it’s going on quiet good so far. I did all the things I wrote on my to-do list and I still feel motivated and hope it will stay as long as it can cause’ there is a long way to go left. In addition to this there is quiet a good chance that I am going to realize some plans I’ve had for a long time in my head.
Something I’ve learned in the last days is that I stop feeling guilty for things I can’t control. I’ve just realized that I pack my day to full. A better time management will be my major improvement.
Subject change #2. Thinking about getting (more) involved with youtube. Maybe start a Vlog? Still have some video ideas in my mind hm.. On the other hand I will focus more on my photography stuff. Well I am still not quiet sure.
Well thank you for reading my meaningless thoughts. I’m going to watch scrubs now till the tiredness strikes in again.
How many times have I been here before? 5, 10, 20 times? All I know for sure is that it still feels like it’s the first time. Christmas eve is what they call today. Hundreds of people walk trough the terminal - shouldn’t they be at home now? Shouldn’t I be at home right now? Footsteps, random noises,hectic, hope,fare well and the clicking sound from the departure board - I find myself in between all that. Why am I here? I know why. Its my desire. My desire to fly away. Not just somewhere, to fly away and land in your arms! It’s hard parting for me. And I doubted I could ever handle it. I just had high expectations and realized that they won’t become reality at least not now. ESCAPE - forward. This is my only option at the moment and I am are going to use it.
It’s too late to be a pessimist.
It’s too late to be desperated.
It’s too late to be down all the time.
What I need is c h a n g e not more - not less. I can be the person I want to be. I can reach my aims I’ve set up. It is up to me to get back. Say fuck you and smile. And let the good times role again. I am more than ready for this.
Watch me. You will hear from me when I am back on my level. But I will never forget where I have come from.
I like , I like
I’m losing control right now and I feel it’s right
I like, I like
We are caught in this moment I won’t let you go,
and the world around us won’t stop turning tonight.” —Keri Hillson
I’ve heared from this woman.
»She decided to to escape - take some time off and get away from this everyday shit she suffered everyday. She drove to the airport, the 10th destination on the departue board should be hers. She landed in Paris and Amsterdam. But she finally ended up on a small island in the Antilles. There she ran into an old man which originally was from Sweden and has been a Pilot all his life. He was working on his last and biggest dream - he wanted to build his own plane. The woman decided to make a docomentary out of his story. She spend all her money and 5 years to make this movie. She also find her motivation back and got over her burn out. Now her story is prize winning and Hollywood showed interests.«
I whish I have this encourage to say “Fuck you” and just get lost. She gave up erverything - to find herself again. Only special people are brave enough to something like this. In a few years, I will be brave enough. I promise.
Snow,sunshine, freezing coldness and bright blue skies. The sun always makes me feel better, it is like an explosion of colours in this grey city. - I’m going to the airport today. Itchy feet again. Maybe I fly away today. Maybe.
Silence, everywhere just silence. No one in the train. Only the rain drums from the window break trough it, the city goes under in the fog which covers everything in dark grey. The sun just took a day off. She left a Post-it saying that she will be back tomorrow. I don’t mind the rain.