WhereThe Sky Meets You

Today already started awesome.

• I slept till 9am 
• got up
• ate breakfast
• listened to City and Colour
• and The Maine.
• Cooked lunch for my family
• More City and Colour and the Maine
• Chatting on Face book

In about 30 minutes I’m leaving for school. Because the labor union of the train drivers decided to do a strike I could do all of these awesome things above instead of sitting tired in school and not giving a shit about :D

*insert pure excitement here*

So today, well lets say a few moments ago a little but very important information got to me. And after knowing this point now all I want to say to you is FUCK YOU! Fuck you and all of your stupid lies. Fuck all the nice things you said to me and especially fuck you for making me feel like shit just because you need that to feel good. I am so fucking done with you. Right now there is so much anger in me.. 

But this is just another proof that you should stay out of my life and it makes me realize that the way it’s now is the way it should stay! Do your shitty things, date whoever you want, but please stay out of my life. I’m so over your shit. I can’t believe it that after all this time, you still manage it to fuck my head up and hurt me deep inside. 

(Sorry to all my lovely followers, but this is just some serious personal shit I have to go over. And what I want you to know is that you are AWESOME and I am very thankful for every single one of you.) 

Right now I’m sitting here all broken down.

I was strong. I was forgetting. I was focused on other things. I was over it. At least I believed that I was. I can’t even remember the last time we spoke. It’s been months since the last time. And as we speak of it our last call was the worst. It beggars all description. This last call was the beginning of something I haven’t figured out yet. You have no clue how much I miss the crap out of you! I miss your voice, I miss your cute silliness and I miss your laugh! I miss our late night Skype calls and I miss our conversations. Not talking to you is killing me inside. Do you still remember our promise? Hope you won’t forget that in May 2011 only 9 years are left. But that’s not the matter right now.

What’s killing me the most is that we left so many words unspoken, it was a rough cut. A final cut. I wrote a letter to you the other day, saying all the things I wanted to say since day 1. I never put it in the mail. I just can’t build up the courage to do it, what if you say it’s all bullshit? That you don’t care anymore and you moved on? What if you laugh at me? That would be the wore that could ever happen. Just a stamp and courage and 7 days later you could hold it in your hands. But I guess this will never happen. My fear of getting rejected by you holding me back like you can’t imagine. You may call me weak for all these things and my behaviour but you should know best how getting rejected by the person you love destroys you inside.

Seeing that you made a tumblr just crushed me down. I saw a picture of you since I can’t even imagine ( it feels like ages) and I saw that you moved on. You are talking about your anxieties and other people and stuff. Well that’s the way it goes right? - We all move on. But I guess it’s just inside of me that sometimes I wish you would still care or think about me. The answers to this question is probably more truth than I could handle. At least I think you you every now and then and whenever I do it I get this strange feeling that you are laughing at me and it makes me shameful and feeling like shit. Remember when I was talking to you about tumblr? -  you never understood. Seems like you made up your mind and you see, I was right about it. 

Right now I am honest with myself, just for once.

I miss you and getting you back as a firend would mean the world to me. We definitely deserve it and I hope that one day, one day we see each other again and finally we can be honest with ourselves. 

All I want you to know is that I’m sorry how we ended “us” don’t blame me for not talking to you again. I just can’t. 

Heather (http://louuddisgrace.tumblr.com/) is my valentine, she just asked me on the most cutest way you can imagine! She’s really one of a kind! (: xxxx

We’re alive and we drive to the center of it
where we know we’re all fine and this just can’t be it
and in the end we all know we only breathe for so long
so tonight’s the night, we all roll along

Oh back to it for a cigarette 
and no we can’t forget
all of the faces that we’ve met
81, 23 means everything to me
take me back to the parking lots
the sleep we fought
and all the places we got caught
this place will always be a part of me
yeah you’re all apart of me

I’m sitting at home, alone and sing at the top of my lungs to We all roll along by The Maine.